A trip to remember
The beginning of my trip to Mexico is the 102th day since my father passed away.
This trip mattered a lot to me. First, travel is one of the things that my dad and I have a common interest in. From now on, I would bring the necklace he gave me for my graduation to see the world, keeping a belief that his spirit is there with me. Second, I needed space to be free.
It turned out, my mind was never free. I was reading Paul Graham's hackers and painters instead of going to the famous nightclubs in Cancun (which used to be my favorite thing to do at night and I should have at least done it during this vacation).
Fortunately, my body was. I realized how much I enjoyed being busy. From one place to another, even though I got lost in a country which I do not speak the language, it was a great experience dealing with obstacles. What is more, is that when I did not know where I was going, there were people who were willing to help, and I ended up on a road that very few people drove on, and to my destination (Chichen Itza) where I thought would be crowded but was not (because I missed the opening time of the park and the guard was nice enough to make an exception for me).
A road with no cars coming or following.
My moment alone with Chichen Itza.
At that time, I started to, first time in my existence, feel that I am living in the moment. In the past, I freaked out too much about rushing to achieve something in the future. But I have no desire of TODAY. As a matter of fact, TODAY is the most critical day of my life, whether I am enjoying a piece of art of the Mayan culture, to reading a book about hackers.
All that I encounter TODAY, assemble who I am tomorrow.
The trip gave me more than just a new definition of TODAY, but also remind me that I cannot fit in. This is not a bad thing. In fact, it was amazing to realize that I cannot fit in where I am now. There are 2 major environments that I am not fitting in: 1. my current job; 2. a world that I have to brand myself into just one specific type of people.
The 1st one is already known, but the 2nd one is a bit difficult to defend. Before the trip, there was already an inner voice telling me to "don't be afraid to be me". During the trip, I was probably the only one who was traveling alone in the party & honeymoon town. Except some moments when I saw people kissing which made me miss having someone to be with, I was doing very fine, in fact, when I jumped into the water, asked a stranger to take pictures of me like a Victoria's Secret model (yes, i always wanted to do that), a group of girls followed and did the same thing like I did. We turned an empty beach into a photo booth with tons of fun.
What strike me, is that, when I am being me, somebody wanted to be me.
Parts of the world that I am in have frightened me to be just 1 kind of people (at least we SHOULD only show that side of us) in order to fit in. I felt that I should not be talking about love, sports, sex, places, food, if I am into technology and startups. Maybe it is true that when we are into something, we have no energy left for others. Psychologically, it may be true that tag 1 thing of ourselves will be easier to be remembered. But if we are in denial of who we are besides that 1 tag, psychologically we might not reserve energy for other stuff, which makes life (especially our life) tasteless.
[side note: In fact, many products suck, because in my opinion the creator (who might have exceptional technical background) has not have enough life experience to make sense of the product. I want to make things to help people's dream come true, and to do that, I need to be an expert of being me and being "people".]
I thought I was strange in others' eyes, it turned out others have a completely different opinion.
On my way back home, I could not help but thought that how it was like to be back to NY. The answer to this is: both NY and Cancun are great. Because I finally understand I am in the moment where I can be myself.
Today, having something to look forward to.